Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
