I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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