I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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