That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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