You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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