just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
