Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
