If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish my penis had a tongue
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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