i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
