At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
