Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
