put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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