the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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