I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This baby is an asshole
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
