I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
