My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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