We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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