I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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