fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
