i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
