the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
