So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
