You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
