im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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