new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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