He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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