Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
