I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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