Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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