Cold hands, warm shart.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
