ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
