I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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