I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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