He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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