Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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