I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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