I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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