Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
