He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
