I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
