totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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