i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
