wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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