that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
