Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
