Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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