And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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