Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize