hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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