He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize