im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
