my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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