if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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