I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
