my soul wont recognize me after tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
