LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize