I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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