Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think your dad took our porno
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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