so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
