Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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