Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
