I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
