My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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