My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
