I cannot find my penis.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize