i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
