yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
