It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
