dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
