just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
