Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
