There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
