I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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