if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize