I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize