I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
